How to help a family member or friend who is struggling

Listening comes before fixing

What a struggling person often needs most is not a solution but someone who will listen. Simply hearing them out without judgment can be a great support.

Things that help to say

• "You seem to be having a hard time lately. Do you want to talk about it?"
• "That sounds really hard."
• "It's not your fault."
• "I'm here for you. Let's figure this out together."

Things to avoid saying

• "Everyone goes through that." — It shrinks their pain and makes them stop talking.
• "It's all in your head" or "Just cheer up." — They may be struggling precisely because they can't.
• "Other people have it worse." — It only adds guilt.

When suggesting professional help

1. 1Start with concern, not criticism: "I'm worried because you don't seem to be sleeping."
2. 2Make a concrete suggestion: "There's free or low-cost counseling nearby. Want to look into it together?"
3. 3Help with booking or offer to go along. The first step is the hardest.
4. 4If they say no, stay close and bring it up again later.

When you see warning signs of suicide

Saying "I want to die," putting affairs in order, giving away treasured possessions, or a sudden calm can be warning signs. Asking directly — "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" — does not increase the risk; it gives them a chance to open up.

If you sense danger, don't handle it alone. Call a crisis line together (U.S.: 988; Korea: 109), or call emergency services (U.S.: 911; Korea: 112/119) if it is urgent.

Helpers need care too

Supporting someone is exhausting. Don't carry everything alone — share the role with other family members, friends, and professionals. In the U.S., NAMI offers free family education programs and a HelpLine (1-800-950-6264); in Korea, community mental health welfare centers provide family counseling and education.